do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
