Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
