So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
