i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
40s are totally the cure
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
