Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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