Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
