matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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