i jhust puked up my retainher.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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