already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
