Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
