yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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