I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
