genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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