We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
