The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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