the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
