So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
