I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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