Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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