My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
