so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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