New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am mentally ready for anal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
