Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
