She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
