I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
