the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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