If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
