I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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