Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
