just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
