You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
