I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
