I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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