how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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