how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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