i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
