I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
