I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
