East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
