I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
