ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
