Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
