Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
