whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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