im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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