dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You left your phone here
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