Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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