I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
