and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
