Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
