Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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