Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
