Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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