Got a toothbrush?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love having hate sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
