i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
