oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
