I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
