i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
