i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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