those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
