good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
