i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
