How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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